i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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