Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
