its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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