Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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