i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
