You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
