I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
