I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
