the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
