I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
