I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
