I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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