He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
