You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
