the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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