why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
