Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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