I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
