opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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