What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Is Oprah even human
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
