Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
