Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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