you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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