took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
