dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
