i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
