So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
