OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
