If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
