i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
