When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
