did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
please don't ironically join a cult
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