Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
