So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize