Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
