Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
soo... how was my night?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize