your parents love me but you hate me
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
