I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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