4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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