New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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