too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
