This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
