Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
