I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
