He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
