i barfeds in our rink
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
