Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
