Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
