As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
