Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
