Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
