I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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