I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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