i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
