none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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