Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
