Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The air was thick with penises
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
