dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
