Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
