You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
