we have officially mastered the walk of shame
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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