So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
