Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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