New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
