My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I faked an abortion last night.
I love having hate sex.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
