she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
