I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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