I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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